


Death Should Not Be Taking Thee!

by Monobear



Category: Persona 4, Persona Series
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Comedy, Dating, F/F, F/M, M/M, Parody, Romance, Snarky Protagonist, self-aware
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-12-06
Updated: 2013-12-05
Packaged: 2018-01-03 15:16:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1071987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Monobear/pseuds/Monobear
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When average teenager Yu Narukami is planned to die in a train accident on the way to Inaba, he somehow escapes death, leading to his interactions with a motley crew of demons, one of which is Taro 'Teddie' Kumada, who he accidentally chooses as his protector. Now with a year to live, Narukami must find out why he's in a parody of a dating sim, who the final love interest is, and avoid the angels seeking him to be dead earlier than decided. A very self-aware romance fic told from the perspective of one genre-savvy Yu Narukami.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Death Should Not Be Taking Thee!

**Prologue: No need to fear, you’ll be the hero!**

The name’s Yu.

Narukami Yu. I fancy myself to be insanely average. I try to be the cool guy in school, but we all know that I’m not really that – I just kind of put up a front, so people like me. So I won’t be alone, I guess. My parents go on business trips for asinine amounts of time, which, for the most part, leaves me in my home alone…unless they finally wise up. That’s when my father suddenly declared…

“That’s it. While your mother and I are gone, you’ll be going to Inaba.”

Inaba was rural. It was the place where dad had grown up alongside my uncle Dojima. Don’t get me wrong. Dojima was a great guy. So was his daughter, Nanako. But I’d gotten used to staying alone for a long while. It was kind of a shock to be pushed into going to a town I’d only visited on a few rare occasions before. 

“….You approve this, mom?”

“It’d be better for you to stay with someone instead of just being alone again…I’m sorry, Yu.”

It was pretty much settled, I guess. As my parents took me to the train station in their car, I could only hope that this would at least be more interesting than spending my days at home, browsing FutabaChannel. Letting out a hollow sigh as I stepped out, taking my small bag of luggage with me, my dad decided to tell me a few more things.

“Brush your teeth, change your clothes, take showers, don’t die. Also, be nice to Nanako and your uncle, ‘right?” 

I shrugged nonchalantly. It wasn’t as if I’d made up my mind either way. I’d treat them as they treated me. If they treated me like family, I’d treat them the same, but if they treated me like a stranger…well, I’d follow suit. Stepping onto the train, I glanced about. Just as I looked to the right, I thought I saw someone looking at me out of the corner of my eye. I looked again, and there was nothing.

Right. Someone’s watching me, and I’ll have to find out who. Dropping my cellphone, I leaned down, quickly glancing up when they’d expect me to be looking down. I caught a glance of their hair. Blonde. Someone blonde – and their eyes were blue…kinda pretty, actually, but they were still staring at me like a creep. As they noticed I saw them, they seemed to disappear instantly as I looked up all the way. At least I’d caught a glimpse of them. Blowing a bit of my hair out of my face, I stepped off at my stop, and I instantly felt a presence behind me.

“You know, I can feel someone’s back there. Show yourself now, and I won’t use judo.”

Honest to God, I quit judo when I was 10. I’m 17 now, to give you a landmark of how long ago that was.

The person said nothing, and I kind of went on my merry way, feeling the presence disappear as quickly as it came. Running an annoyed hand down my face, I walked out of the stati—

**BANG.**

It kind of struck me for a moment. A bang behind me. I looked back behind me, and I instantly saw the cause. The train – the one I was just on – had crashed. It was literally improbable that I’d get off when I did, but….I did. I shook a bit. Holy shit. I’d gotten immensely luck—

“Wow, this was a hell of a screwup. No pun intended.” Suddenly, standing next to me was a girl who appeared to be around my age, with brown hair cut into a bob, a green-and-yellow jacket, and a black skirt, coupled with tennis shoes.

Also, for the love of Christ, can things stop interrupting my mental narration? It’s starting to get annoying. 

“Jeez, how did he miss that?!” And now a brown-haired boy, with orange headphones around his neck, and a black school uniform was standing right next to me, tapping his foot. Three others followed suit, these being a young boy in a matching uniform to the other’s, though he wore a blue cap with it, a boy who looked remarkably like a delinquent with matching pants to the others….and one that stood out. The blonde boy from earlier. He was wearing a white shirt with a rose in it, and black pants, honestly standing out more than the others, but he waved his hands.

“I-It’s not my fault!” He cried out, as if people were accusing him of something.

Well, I had to speak up sooner or later.

“Yo. The fuck is going on?” I asked, a bit bluntly. “Where did you all come from, and why are you all talking about something that doesn’t involve me near me.”

“…It involves you more than you’d think.” The young boy piped in, his voice still sounding a bit feminine. “You were supposed to die on that train, believe it or not.”

“….I was supposed to die on that train.”

“Yeah, but somehow, things didn’t go as planned, and you’re still alive!” The girl chimed in, glaring at me angrily. “Narukami Yu, you’re really defying things….ugh. Can we just burn him out immediately?”

“We don’t want him to be unsure after his death. That doesn’t bode well for his reincarnation status.” The young boy sighed, apparently used to this. “…But yes, you’ve supposed to have died, you’re still alive, and that’s a bit of an issue.” He adjusted his cap. “By now, I’m assuming you think that we’re all insane.” He smirked a bit.

“Well, yeah. You’re not exactly seeming the most sane bunch, claiming all this death and stuff. Personally, I’m between thinking you’re a cult, and thinking that I’ve just been contacted by the Illuminati. Please do enlighten me on what is actually going on here.” 

“Right.” The young boy snapped his fingers, pointing at a window on the train. It’d been shattered, but as if controlled by some unknown force, the pieces picked themselves up, forming back into a strong and sturdy window. “I believe that counts as proof of the supernatural.”

“Well. Holy shit.” I crossed my arms. “Nice job doing that in public—“

“Nope. I’ve had Kanji be reinforcing the shield for the time being. No one can see inside here.” The young boy seemed to have everything planned out. “Perhaps we should take care of introductions. I’m Shirogane Naoto. “

“…The ace detective?” Well, it’s not exactly as if he’d been unknown. Naoto Shirogane was who you called on the big level cases. The ones that you, in reality, had no hope of solving. He solved them, not a problem, every time. 

“The one and only.” Naoto nodded. “Oh, and my other profession is being a demon.” He added, without skipping a beat.

“A what.”

“Demon. I’m here to take your soul, along with the rest of my troupe.” The rest of the group looked at him and nodded…well, at least they were certain of the leader here. “And we’re also to secure that you have a nice passage onto heaven. Calm spirits prove for good reincarnations, and I’m sure you’d like to be rich in your next lifetime. Or something like that, big, famous, et cetera. So go willingly, or make it difficult. Either way, you’re going to die, and we’re going to get your soul.”

“Oh. That’s fantastic. I died on the way to visit my relatives in the country. Excellent. Just how I wanted to die. Not like I wanted to, y’know, have a wife and kids and a job. Nope. Died on the way to a town I didn’t even want to go to in the first place.”

“Sounds like a personal problem to me.” The tall, brown-haired boy chipped in. “But really…relax…”

Glancing about at all these other people, I slowly realized that all of them were quite prominent, besides Shirogane. There was Chie Satonaka, the notable female MMA fighter, nearing the top, but only second to one girl otherwise…Yosuke Hanamura, the heir to the Junes chain of department stores….Kanji Tatsumi, a notable clothing designer (who girls go absolutely insane for)…and finally, Taro Kumada, a model of all sorts (cosplay, regular clothing, hell, he’s even modeled women’s clothing…pretty convincing, too) and one of the more camera-friendly celebrities that I knew of, constantly chipper, all that. 

And somehow, all of these people are sitting here, telling me that they’re demons. 

“….Really, can I just get a bit more time?” I sighed, looking down. “Just….just a year. That’s all I need. Then I’ll die. I’ll die in peace.”

“Oh, he’s one of those….” Chie pinched the bridge of her forehead. “Kid, we don’t do requests.”

“….You know, I’m just about as old as you…” 

“We haven’t really kept to any of those requests.” Naoto crossed his arms. “But then again, they’re usually for even longer. A year is pretty selfless compared to them.” 

“We should do it!” Kumada grinned. “C’moooonnn. He looks pretty cool!” Wow, just as chipper in person as he is in interviews. 

“….Angels.” Kanji sighed. “The angels are gonna be on our case. Like, obnoxiously on our case. If they know we haven’t burnt out his soul yet….’re gonna be pissed.”

“He does present a good point.” Naoto drummed his fingers against a pole nearby. “Hence why we’ll have to constantly watch over him and keep him from the aforementioned angels. In other words, he’s living with us from now on. No objections, if he wishes to continue his life.”

“Really?! We’re really doing this? C’mon, guys, it’s just one soul! Angels are going to have a conniption and be up in arms, we’ll have to take care of this guy, and….he’s gonna be another mouth to feed!” Chie pouted.

Somehow, I didn’t like the cut of this girl’s jib.

And that’s the first and last time I’ll ever use the word ‘jib’, even if it was just mentally.

“We’re benevolent creatures, Satonaka.” Naoto continued his leadership over the troupe. “And if we want to shelter one soul, for one year? That’d probably be pretty damn decent of us….but we do need someone to be on constant watch for him….and I suppose I’ll let him choose who that is. After all, this person will be watching over him 24/7.”

The demons glanced amongst themselves, but they all shrugged. It was honestly up to me, who to go with…

The strong but short-tempered Chie Satonaka…

The casual but snarky Yosuke Hanamura…

The quiet but rough Kanji Tatsumi….

The intelligent but commanding Naoto Shirogane…

Or, finally, the cheerful but innocent Taro Kumada.

Glancing amongst these people, I couldn’t help but feel like I was in some mockery of a dating simulation. Super Doki Doki Yu Narukami 2000. 

The fact that most of the options were male meant nothing. 

But still, I had my options laid out, and it was time to play like a God of Dating Sims. I removed my glasses – that I kept entirely for stylish purposes, because contacts were more suiting to me – and placed them on my eyes, staring dramatically, and analyzing my options deeper. Favorite foods, favorite phrases, favorite animals…

“Hey, why’s he staring off into space?”

“I don’t know. Teddie, why don’t you poke him?”

“Roger that!” Closing my eyes, I pointed directly at the person I wanted to keep by my side for a year!

**“YOU! YOU’LL BE MY PARTNER FOR THE REST OF THIS YEAR!”**

**“UAAAAH?! ME?!”**

That was not Chie. That was not remotely female.

Opening my eyes, I realize now that I had been pointing directly at Kumada, who looked surprised beyond all belief. Well. I don’t exactly like this, but I don’t mind it, either.

“Oh, hey, Teddie needed more training anyway – and that’s exactly a job he could do easily.” Naoto commented. “So. Teddie. Are you up for taking care of this dramatic human?”

Hey, I resemble that remark.

Not that I’m offended. 

“…Uh….I….I guess so! Hahaha! Um, nice to meet you, Narukami-kun! My name is Kumada Taro, but my friends address me as Teddie, and you can too! I’m looking forward to our time together!” He smiled, as if he were entirely fine with this arrangement. Perhaps he was. 

“Right. Name’s Narukami Yu. I’m guessing you all know pretty much everything there is to know about me, considering I’m hilariously average in every way possible.” 

“Aww, don’t say that! You’re special enough that we all want to keep you around!” Kumada slid next to me and wrapped his arm around me. “You’re pretty cool to me, Narukami-kun!”

“Uh…thanks, Teddie.” Was he always so peppy? It’s almost unbelievable.

“No problem, Narukami-kun! Now, c’mon! We’ve got a beary long walk ahead of us.” 

“….Bear puns?”

“Ehehehe!” Kumada snickered, giving a peace sign with the hand that wasn’t wrapped around me. He even does this off-camera? Well. That explains why he’s famous; he’s a walking media darling, chipper and squeaky-clean. And yet, he’s a demon. Go figure. 

“Wait. What about my uncle Dojima and Nanako?” I bit my lip. Nanako was…always concerned about everyone, I knew that from my brief visits with her before.

“You can’t live with them…” Naoto began. “But you can still communicate with them, just as long as there are no angels about. Just tell them that you’re staying with friends. If all else fails, we can shove someone in to play the ‘friend’ part, probably in a disguise.” He looked pointedly at Kumada, who kind of shrugged in response. “We’ve got this covered.” He assured me, beginning to walk ahead. The rest began to follow, except for Kumada, who stayed a bit back with me, extending his hand to hold hands, walking. Well.

I already feel like I’m on a dating sim route at this rate, but I took his hand, and he squeezed my hand reassuringly. I know he was trying to show that I was safe, but all I could think of was…I’m walking out of the station with a collection of celebrities, whom I’m going to spend the whole year living with…oh, and they’re all demons. Supreme. 

As I bid the last sight of Dojima’s car that I was originally supposed to approach a goodbye, I couldn’t help but have some concern over my life ahead. How would I handle this year? How would it go? It was enough to send your brain into spirals, really.

In addition, why was I the star of such a contrived plot?

“I’m honestly glad that you’re staying with us, Narukami-kun.” Kumada began speaking, since we were walking along with not much else to do. “…As Naoto said, I’m still in training, so having a new friend and getting a job is really nice! I promise to protect you to the best of my abearity!” 

Abearity.

That pun was so forced.

“Hey, as long as I’m safe? I’m fine with it.” I shrugged, not really in a rush to make any sort of commitment to being friends with this overly-cheerful boy. Seriously, the squeaky-clean nature was almost unsettling. No, not almost unsettling, very unsettling, as in I’m-trapped-with-an-axe-murderer unsettling. He’s going to snap, and he’s going to one day chase me down a hall, wrecking the bathroom and various other horror movie references. Alternatively, his blonde hair is a sign that he’s secretly Hannah Montana. 

Either way, God help us all, this was not going to be easy. 

“Ehehehe. But, err…you might have to come with me to shoots or something sometimes….you know I’m a model, right?”

“I’m aware, yeah.”

“Okay, good. But yeah, even if I’m taking care of you, I can’t stop my photoshoots, so you’ll have to come with me!” 

“….How are you going to explain that?”

“….Uhhh….”

Hanamura had ended up being right in front of us at this rate, and he couldn’t help but toss out his idea. “Just claim that he’s your boyfriend, and you’re going on a date or something afterwards.”

Oh.

I am in a dating sim route.

I don’t know whether to be thrilled or full of self-loathing for getting into this for the first place.

“…That’s a great idea, Yosuke!” Kumada seemed to accept this idea all too easily. “….Oh, uh….are you okay with that, Narukami-kun?”

Let’s see. Mental choices here. 

A: Do it.

B: XXX.

C: Sure, why not. Save the sex for later, though.

Eh, I’ll go for C. 

“Sure, why not. You’ve done me a service by saving my life for at least a year, it’s honestly the least I could do to pass by.”

“Jeez, you really are pretty cool, Narukami-kun!” 

Hanamura, who appeared to have tossed that idea out entirely sarcastically, seemed stunned, at least from what I could tell from being behind him. He quickly recovered, however, as we were approaching the home.

“….Oh, and….Narukami-kun, uh, we don’t have to be an actual couple, you’re not being forced into that!” Kumada seemed a bit concerned over that. “W-We just have to kinda pose as one! I won’t do anything to you, promise!”

“….You remember when I said that I know judo?”

“…..Yes….”

“Yeah, I’ll use it the minute you ‘do something to me’.”

“Uaaaaah….” Kumada seemed terrified at the thought. “I’m s-sorry, s-sensei! Please forgive me!” 

“….Sensei?” I tilted my head. 

“….Oh….uh….don’t mind that, it’s not important.” Kumada smiled weakly. Yeah, he’s hiding something, obviously. But I’ll find it out sooner or later. Most likely sooner.

As we walked into the demons house, it looked much like a normal home. TV, kitchen, tatami mats, bedroom doors, pretty much all the essentials you’d expect to find in a typical Japanese home. Which was a bit surprising; I’d expected something a lot more lavish considering who all lived here. But everyone took seats near the TV, and flipped it on, as they stared at a glass with sticks in it. 

“Alright, you all know the rules. Whoever gets the red stick has to make dinner while the rest of us relax.” Naoto nodded. “And, of course, Narukami’s now included in this game as well, considering he has just as much responsibility as everyone else here.”

“Fine, fine.” I shrugged it off. Not like I’ve not made dinner before. In fact, I’m kind of an amateur chef. But, pulling my stick, it was white. Chie looked a bit disappointed, seeing that her stick was the red one. 

“….So, anyone else up for Chinese?” She nonchalantly grabbed her cellphone out of her pocket. 

“Cooooop-ouuuut.” 

“Do you really want me to pound you into ashes, Yosuke?!” Satonaka snapped, glaring at the other boy. “I’ll do it! I really will!”

Yosuke raised his hands as if to say ‘I didn’t do anything!’ and shook his head. 

“Alright, then what all do y’all want from the Chinese place?” Satonaka collected a list of orders, and she told the restaurant the orders. “Alright, they’ll be here in 5. Dinner duty is done, now, let’s watch some Bruce Lee.”

“But we’re in the middle of—“ 

Kumada was cut off by Satonaka hopping up and flipping the channel to a classic action movies channel. “Stardust Witch Meruru….” He muttered dejectedly. 

Really, remind me how these people were even remotely hellish?

“Gahaha! Sweet, Fists of Fury is on!” Satonaka fistpumped. 

“…No, wait. Sherlock is on right now.” Shirogane blinked in realization. “Change the channel.”

“No way! I’m not missing this movie!”

“Forget those, I want to watch Stardust Witch Meruru!” Teddie joined the fray. 

As Tatsumi, Hanamura, and I scooted away from the three now actively fighting over the remote, we all coughed awkwardly…and started snickering.

“….So, wanna place bets on who’s gonna win?” Hanamura offered. 

“I’ll put 20 on Satonaka.” I tossed in.

“10 on Shirogane.” 

“…..Aww man, that leaves me with Teddie….” Hanamura snapped his fingers. 

And as the remote tussle settled, with….oh. Teddie came out victorious. 

Hanamura slowly turned to Tatsumi and I, waggling his fingers. “Pay up.”

“You never bet!” Tatsumi pointed out.

“My name is Yosuke Hanamura, which means I am money, I do not need to bet.” 

“Stop referencing anime, that’s Teddie’s job.” Shirogane stated, and Teddie nodded sagely. 

“I think you’re all idiots.” Satonaka crossed her arms.

“She’s right, you know.” 

“....” 

As we all started laughing into the night, I couldn’t help but feel that my days with the demons…perhaps might not be so bad after all.


End file.
